Monthly Archives: November 2009

I saw it…

Yesterday was my third Thanksgiving away from home. My first two were spent in Argentina. Yesterday I spent with my future in-laws. And let me just say that it’s such a blessing to have family on both sides who cook excellently. Not only can my mother-in-law-to-be cook an excellent Thanksgiving feast, but she can cook said feast for 12 people. It was a full table, and full stomaches afterward. Which led Sav and I to take a wonderful nap afterward. Thanksgiving naps rock.

While that was in fact the highlight of the day, there was one thing that I wanted to post about more than any other:

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Oh, yes. I love my fiancée very much. I was willing to sit through Twilight 2 months ago with her. One of the top 5 worst movies I’ve ever seen. New Moon probably only made it to the top 10 worst movies though. This was because it was definitely a best-effort.

Addendum: Sav wanted me to make it clear that we saw both movies in order to make fun of them.

Best-effort because it was as good as you’re going to get when you’re given a screenplay taken from a book written by Stephenie Meyer. The dialog was laughably awful (and laugh we did). And the dreadful puns made me want to bash my head in. Ok, we get it–werewolves are like big dogs, but that’s no reason to have crappy dialog. No reason.

Not quite as bad as the material from which this movie sprang from, but trying hard to reach that pit of awfulness, was the acting. My favorite actor was obviously Dakota Fanning as she was awesome. Too bad she only had 3 lines. (Ok, maybe it was more, but it wasn’t more than I can count on my two hands, maybe just one.) Second favorite actor?  Anna Kendrick. She plays Jessica. She’s hotter than Kristen Stewart. She can deliver a line without blinking 37 times. And Jessica is just plain cooler than Bella. I kinda think the third movie should take a page from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and have Jessica realize that the Cullens are vampires and go on a killing spree. Jacob could help her (more on that guy later). Of course, Jessica would have to kill Bella. Because Bella wants to be a vampire.

Now as disgusting as I thought it was that the producers would have 17-year-old Taylor Lautner taking steroids, or even just looking as if he had, out of the big three in this movie, he was the star. He was able to say his craptastic lines without blinking like an idiot (sorry Kristen and Robert–you cannot). Still, however star he was in the invariable cast of bad acting, was it completely necessary to have his shirt constantly off? Hearing adult women ogling him makes cringe. He’s a mere 17 years old ladies. In most states, that’s still illegal. That all said, I still think they could save this whole mess by having Jacob and Jessica kill everyone. Bella: dead. Edward: dead. Books: dead. Movies: saved.

However, that isn’t going to happen. Why? Because Bella wants to be a vampire. And nothing will stop the awfulness until she is a vampire. We’re powerless to watch Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson deliver bad lines badly. How hard is it to say 5 words without blinking?  Then again, maybe I haven’t caught the vision. Maybe the director told them, “You know, your characters really suck. I think they would be better played if you blinked once before each word. Yes, that’s better. And again after each word, so that’s twice between words. Yes, that makes your characters look more true to form. But we’re not quite there. Now see how many times you can blink while saying the words themselves.” The director was thrilled. “Kristen, you’re a master. You managed to blink 109 times in that 20 second scene. How do you do it?”  “It’s easy, Chris. I just try remembering my lines, and my head starts hurting, and I just blink.” “Amazing. Just amazing. But 109 times?” “Well, I sometimes it helps when I think about Robert’s left nipple, how it’s got that weird ring around it, and how it’s lower than the right one. Also how his treasure trail really looks good after the special effects crew adds the glistening effect to his chest.” “That’s true Kristen, but please don’t mention Pattison’s chest. I just had lunch, and I’d like to keep it down. I’ve been having nightmares for weeks now because of that scene.” R.P.: “Hey, has anyone seen my nipple cream?” (Blinks 35 times.) “Oh, and Taylor says that he needs more steroids.” Chris Weitz vomits.

I’m bored talking about New Moon. I am glad I saw it so that I can fairly say that it sucks. Good effort, but if Twilight will ever be more than crap, it’s going to need a new cast, and scrapping the books as screen play material.

by Stephanie Meyer
A more fitting book cover.

P.S. the soundtrack sucks.

Learn more about how Bella wants to be a vampire.

Currently listening to: “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse

Thanks for Thanksgiving…

Never before in my life have I needed to leave Provo so badly.  I think if Sav and I stay in this town for a day longer, people across the world will watch the news tonight and see that there was a mass killing in Provo.  This isn’t because we’re disposed to kill people.  Actually, we’re quite pleasant.

The fact is that we are human and it’s been a stressful week.  And I know people can’t read our minds and know that we’re stressed, but sometimes those people get on our nerves.  And believe me, they would be the first to go when we snap.  (Maybe I should stress that Sav and I aren’t going to kill anyone.  It’s a figure of speak and a joke.)  But the stress is real.  The short fuses are real. And the people who are getting on our nerves are real.  And because they won’t go away, it’s time to get out of town.  Or we will snap in the form of words (a good deal of which might be profane).

So this year, I’m thankful for Thanksgiving.  Even if Thanksgiving is with my future in-laws who have the unique ability to stress my fiancée beyond any others.  Hopefully things go smoothly and no one gets hurt.

By the way, I love Thanksgiving.  Second to Christmas.

Currently listening to: “Carol of the Bells” by Barenaked Ladies

One way to ruin my morning…

All I wanted to do this morning was sleep until 7 am.  I wasn’t asking a lot.  But instead, at 6 am, I heard a distant alarm go off.  It wasn’t my alarm.  I tried to ignore it, but it was just loud enough to be annoying.  One of those constant, “BEEH BEEH BEEH…” ones that never quit.  After waiting 5-10 minutes for it to quit on its own, or more hopefully because the owner or one of my roommates had turned it off, I decided I was going to have to walk down the hall, find it, and turn it off.  As I opened my door and entered the hall, something weird happened–it got quieter.  “Weird,” I thought.  Maybe it had stopped?  I stepped back in my room.  Louder.  And then it hit me–the alarm wasn’t it my apartment.  It was either the room (and thus apartment) below me or the apartment above me.  Well, this meant only one thing–I was awake and wasn’t going to sleep anymore.

Top this off with a nice stomach ache that I worried was caused by something I ate yesterday.  After leaving my apartment and feeling so much better, I drew the conclusion that it wasn’t anything I ate, but instead the foul smell of burned eggs that greeted me when I got to my apartment last night.  P.S. the alarm was still going when I left at 7.

Now people might think that I’m worried about living with Sav after marriage.  Personally, I’m so thrilled to be rid of roommates that I could shout it from the roof of the SWKT.  I can’t wait to clean up only messes that we create.  Only wash dishes that we dirty.  And only have to smell foods that we cook.  I can’t wait to have our own space.  I also can’t wait to not have to leave and go to my own apartment.  Being engaged stinks, because you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you can’t coax the driver of the train (yep, this is a train we’re riding through the tunnel) to go any faster.  But sorry all my friends still left on the other side of the tunnel, I’m not coming to visit.  But I’ll send you a postcard.

Currently listening to: “Where Did You Go?” by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Only one more week…

…before Thanksgiving break, which means that I’m only 9 days away from being able to listen to Christmas music.  I love Christmas.  More than my own birthday.  And along with loving Christmas, I love Christmas music.  I probably only have about 5 CDs on my iPod, but I will listen to them tirelessly until New Years.  (I love Christmas music so much, I usually break down around June or July and listen to some to tide me over.  It’s probably taboo, but I don’t care.)

Along with being allowed to listen to Christmas music, Thanksgiving will bring trip #2 to Sav’s family.  Last time I met them (trip #1, obviously), I asked her dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  And he hardly knew me, so I guess I am thinking of this Thanksgiving break as an opportunity to get to know them better, and a chance for them to get to know me.  I’m sure it’s strange to think that your oldest daughter or sister is going to marry some guy that you’ve really only met once and spent only a few hours getting to know him.  So hopefully they can get to know me as I get to know them.  And hopefully they still like me.

Last, and probably still least, next week brings the BYU vs. Utah game.  The first that I will attend in my 4 years at BYU.  This includes a year that I had a ticket to the game.  Hopefully BYU can hold their home ground, since they’ve already failed to do that twice this year.

Well, it’s going to be a good vacation, as long as I can get everything done in school before the break.  Why my teacher thought it would be nice to assign a paper due right before vacation, I don’t know.

Currently listening to: “1 Nephi 4” by Nephi

A weekend wrap-up…

This last weekend was so much fun.  I’ve heard and read that you should marry your best friend.  Well, I’ve got that one covered.  Everything is more fun with Sav around.

We went up to Idaho this weekend to see my family.  My mom and sisters wanted to throw Savitrii a bridal shower, so Saturday my dad, grandpa, and bro-in-law headed to the indoor shooting range for some paper killing.  Good guy stuff while Sav got to know some of the women in my family.  I put a lot of lead through the head of my target.  My grandpa out-shot all of us.  Everything he shot was in a nice little group in the middle of the chest.  Being a life-long hunter and ex-police officer, it’s not a surprise, but I was still mad impressed.

Once we got back, Sav showed me all the loot we got.  I’m not sure how much if any of my family reads this, but if so, THANKS!  The closer we get to the big day (47 days), the more I realize that all those gifts are life-savers, because getting married and being married costs money, and all those gifts help tons.

This weekend was highlighted by my first trip of the year, and Sav’s first trip ever, to Lava Hot Springs.  There is nothing more relaxing than sitting in those hot pools.  That was a lot of fun too because my sister Roxy and her husband Spenz went with us and gave us some advice….

The weekend was awesome.  I wish everyone could marry their best friend.  I can’t wait to marry mine.  47 days.  November is half over.  In a little over a month, Sav and I will be done with classes and just have to get through the holidays.  Christmas is going to rock this year.

Today I was thinking about how the closer we get to our date, the more and more 1 day seems to make a difference.  I’ll probably make a post with the table I had in mind.

Currently listening to: “The Christmas Song” by Owl City

I feel like Hiro…

Hello my interwebial friends.  I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything good in about forever.  I’m also sorry that Sav has posted less since we got engaged.  We’re already transitioning into that boring married couple.  We’re not complaining, but we want you to know where we are once we’ve fully disappeared.  It seems that all we do now is post about being engaged and planning our wedding.  But that’s pretty much our lives.  We plan and coordinate and spend money so that everything can come together (our parents are also doing this–we love them so much).  And in the little remaining time, we try and get some homework done before we’re tired and just want to collapse.  We’re just hanging on, hoping we make it, and hoping our teachers will feel kindness in their hearts and let us pass their classes.

Here’s the funny part: we should have more than enough time to do all of this, because it seems like time is crawling by.  Time hasn’t gone this slowly since I was in the MTC for 2 months.  Actually, this seems slower.  So if time is going slower, shouldn’t I have more time?  Shouldn’t I be able to finish all of my assignments on time and still have time to catch a quick nap?  Well, no.

To top that off, I’m pretty sure that our roommates are starting to hate us.  We used to be cruel, heartless, love-hating people.  Somehow we’ve turned ourselves into this sappy, lovey-dovey, disgustingly cute couple that no longer cares about others’ PDA and has no problem with producing our own PDA.  Sav’s own mother commented on it.

If I had more interesting things to say, I would.  Maybe later.  Right now it’s lunch time, and I’m hungry. 🙂

Currently listening to: “If My Heart Was a House” by Owl City